Lily is resting by my feet

but she doesn’t know what we’re doing Wednesday.

Lily has gingivitis. Yes, cats have plaque build-up too. And we tried brushing it and giving her Greenies. But Lily is (as some popular relationship books might call it) an anxious-avoidant cat. She is anxious that I will scoop her up and make her uncomfortable. And she will avoid it by hiding under the bed where I can’t reach her. And so any attempts we’ve made to clean her teeth ourselves have been undermined by her ability to run and hide from us for hours at a time if she feels unsafe.

On Wednesday, I need to trick her into eating a calming drug, wait until she’s a little stoned, scoop her up into her crate and bring her to the vet, all before the sun rises. Did you know for feline teeth cleaning, cats are put on anesthesia to avoid any injuries during the cleaning process? Then I can return later in the day to bring her back home.

Personally, I feel that my partner and I are getting scammed out of hundreds of dollars. But we like our vet. And the vet is worried about a few of her back teeth rotting. And extraction is more expensive than cleaning. And Lily already resents me enough for the toothbrush. So we’ll give it a go.

I worry our vet is judging us for not preventing the issue. But the vet doesn’t live with Lily; Lily who snuggles up in my armpit to sleep against me almost every night, but who automatically turns to run when I walk towards her without a bowl of food in my hands.

Lily who flops and stretches and rubs her whole body against the hallway rug, but gets self-conscious and stands up and starts grooming herself the moment she realizes she’s being watched.

Lily is resting by my feet. I love her. Sometimes, I think she loves me too. And we stress each other out, so much.