two monkeys and a Luigi

This week in quintessential New York City experiences…

Last night, after enjoying a small play at the Cell Theatre in Manhattan, I made my way to 14th Street Station to catch a train home. I would have taken the much closer 23rd Street train had it been running downtown, but weekend maintenance got in the way.

One stop along the C line later, a young, horrible mob of costumed party-goers funneled into the train car. I found myself flanked by two monkeys and a Luigi, cornered against a door and a seat-dividing silver bar. Later, after escaping that zoo, I walked past a woman dressed as a sunny-side-up egg with horns and a pitchfork. Deviled eggs. I thought, ‘if this were a crossword clue, it would say ‘Satan’s favorite hors d'oeuvre.’”

I wanted to thank her for the laugh but I never know how to initiate those stranger-to-stranger interactions without coming off as a creep. Especially since only one of us was costumed. There was a clear power imbalance. So I chuckled quietly and kept walking.

I couldn’t tell you the exact moment, but at some point in my young adult life, I became a much more self-conscious person. Maybe it was just an underlying current of anxiety breaking the surface. Fear of embarrassment became akin to fear of falling off a cliff. All I know is when I was younger, I enjoyed dancing at bar mitzvot and weddings and birthdays. Now, I don’t like dancing at parties. I feel like everyone is looking at me. Talking about it with their friends and family later. Who was that big, doofy guy with the hair?

So no, I haven’t done a Halloween costume in a couple years. I certainly haven’t put effort into one since I was a kid. It should be whimsical and fun but these days the whole spectacle feels more embarrassing than anything. Most years I just make sure I have candy ready for the three or four kids in the building, and any young vagabonds who somehow wonder into the walk-up. Their joy in receiving a whole handful of peanut butter cups is my joy too.

And I salute the slew of costumed people roaming the streets of my city tonight and tomorrow, with no fear of judgment. I can hang back and leave the fun to those in want of celebration. Your guts are stronger than mine. Though some deviled eggs does sound good.